The Gruntmaster Speaketh

Hello out there. I'm not sure how you found me but I suspect you took a wrong turn at the crossroads back there. Or maybe it was the big news item on the main page. Nevertheless you're here. Reading this.

*awkward silence*

Ahem. So my name is Theiss. That is TAY-is, if you care to know. And you should because I can topple you from my position as AC2 Warcry columnist. You don't want to be toppled. Not by me. (That is such a cool word: toppled.)

Yes, I have been granted the powerful position of "columnist". With it comes all the glory and fame and wealth so commonly associated with the title. The country club, for instance, is incredible. I don't know golf but Dave Barry said he could show me a thing or two. The penthouse apartment is nice too. Furnished even! I haven't decided on the color of my Corvette yet. Maybe platinum. Do they come in platinum?

But I can't talk about the cars and posh living and attractive people forever. It's in the contract. *sigh* Alas, I must talk about Asheron's Call 2.

The purpose of my column is to hopefully give everyone out there a smile each week, possibly learn something new, sway governments, topple dictatorships (there's that word again!). Mostly I'm in it for the tangible benefits like gold watches and stock options.

Yes, I hope to make this a weekly column. That means three things for you readers out there. The first is that I will be keeping things varied. Some weeks I will rant. Some weeks I will answer e-mails. Some weeks I'll ramble about my pet armoredillo, Diller.

The second thing to keep in mind is that I want your e-mail. Hate mail, fan mail, questions (especially questions), your own ramblings about Diller, I'll *try* to read it all (because I know there will be SO much mail!)

Finally, you should keep in mind that everything I say is absolutely true. I never exaggerate ANYTHING. Not in a million years for a million gold. Ever. That said, I like to pass out grains of salt with my rants and raves. Take it or leave it.

So, with salt in hand, an appointment at the country club, and your waning attention span slipping away, I will keep this introduction a brief one. I look forward to bringing you news, opinions and a little dash of craziness each week! Until next Monday,

Theiss

*awkward silence*

This is the part where you leave. I have a golf game to get to.

Gurog Grunts appears every Monday here on AC2 Warcry. The opinions expressed here belong to the gruntmaster himself, Theiss. If you wish to grunt about his grunts, grunt to Theiss at editor@warcry.com