State of My Sanity #2

I want to jump on the bandwagon and proclaim myself better than everyone else. It's true. I have many qualities that vault me into a place far above the rest of you. There is my dashing good looks, for starters. I mean, I'm no movie star but that's only because I haven't found the right agent yet. Then there is my incredibly insightful, thought provoking comments. I hear it all the time. "STFU, Theiss!!!" which obviously translates to, "Wow, I never thought of that before. I think you've changed my entire perspective on life!" And let's not forget my dashing good looks either.

Because of these reasons and more, like my incredible modesty and my obvious knack for diplomacy, my opinion should be held on a pedestal and worshipped and everyone else's opinion scorned. That's right, scorned.

I'm not sure why everyone doesn't see my point of view as the only one, the righteous one, just yet but I don't understand a lot of things, which makes my opinion all the more important. Like I don't understand why this little column of mine isn't syndicated yet and being published in every newspaper around the world.

Ok, ok, so I let it slip that I might not understand some things. Not a lot, though. I take that part back. For the most part, I'm incredibly knowledgeable about almost everything there is that exists. To make it relevant, let me impart my knowledge of MMORPGs to you, so that you might see things my way forever and forget your petty squabbles.

AC2 is this game, you see, where everyone connects to this giant brain through their computers. This giant brain has these, like, dreams and stuff that we all run around in. Every once in a while, the giant brain thingy has had too much pizza and beer and things get a little wild, like town invasions start happening. Now, I don't want to start any rumors but I think the giant brain might be Ken Troop or possibly Lila Yee. They've really been partying lately, I think.

So let me address some specific problems people have with the game. Lack of content, for instance. People really needn't be worried about this. It is really a matter of feeding the brain something really spicy and maybe a couple of imported brews the night before a patch day. This is much easier than in AC1 where the giant brain could only subsist on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Kool-Aid (not to take anything away from the AC1 guys. They can do some amazing things with Kool-Aid.)

Others complain about problems with gameplay. This is really just an issue of people not having enough pizza and Kool-Aid themselves. Or too much. You have to find the right amount. In any case, it is your own fault.

Now, you could go ask Ken Troop or Lila Yee yourself how right I am. They'll tell you the same thing: Theiss is spot on. He could teach US some things.

There you have it! Proof positive. Straight from the developers' mouth via me on how my opinion matters so much more than yours. The next time you find a suggestion or a complaint on your lips stop for a second. Defer your comment to me and I'll give you the right answer.

Next week, we'll discuss how AC2 should be tailored to my own personal tastes. I am already lobbying for dirigibles and ski goggles to be added in, which would be as easy as serving Ken Troop a bowl of Hormel chili on patch-day eve. I don't know why they haven't done it before...

Gurog Grunts appears every Monday here on AC2 Warcry. The opinions expressed here belong to the gruntmaster himself, Theiss. If you wish to grunt about his grunts, grunt to Theiss at editor@warcry.com. I know what you're thinking... It's "WTF???" I have only one thing to say to that. Pass the Kool-Aid, please.