Hiccups and hiccoughs in AC2
At the last minute, Gurog Grunts arrives! Yes, I was feeling particularly uninspired this week and procrastinated yet again with my column. I promise to make it an irregular thing...
Shallow apologies aside, I come before you reveal a new feature making its way through the development pipe. In my prestigious position as a fansite columnist, I have become privy to some of the content on the drawing board. Don't ask me how. And if that temp receptionist from Turbine calls, tell her I'm...um...on a three year mission overseas helping illiterate, endangered, African baby seals.
What is this marvelous content I have gotten off of my lazy butt to write about at the last minute? What could compel me to spill the beans about something so secret that even the devs working on it don't quite know what it is? You won't believe me but here it is:
Sometime before Asheron's Day (in a month that rhymes with 'you lie!') we will see the introduction of hiccups.
"...." You say? And rightly so! "Hiccups? In a game? WTF???"
No, no! Listen, this is what we've been after all along! It is the single feature that will bring together all the wants and needs of every player that resides in the world of Dereth and possibly in a few other worlds. It may even go so far as to help those poor illiterate baby seals. The benefits of hiccups are too many to count but I'll explain the obvious major contributions.
1.) Immersion. A game like AC2 is meant for escapism. We want to BECOME our characters but without all the hassles that come with day-to-day life. Hiccups will add a layer of immersion that will draw each player into the world of Dereth and grab them in a great big bear hug until those hiccups are gone. Think of it! You are striding across the swampy flats of Omishan and stop for a breather, perhaps to admire the sunset or to squint at the ugly Reeshan Burun scratching his butt on the beach. Suddenly, "hic!" and your character spasms with a series of hiccups. Then the Burun whirls around and pummels the tar out of you before you can figure out what brought on this sudden attack. See?? Just like real life!
2.) Replayability. Hear me out, now. This isn't as crazy as it sounds! So you are standing there playing your punchan lute when a case of hiccups suddenly strikes. "Quest received," bellows that fellow trapped in your computer. You now have twenty minutes to figure out how to resolve your hiccups! Maybe you need to stand on your head and get a Ranger friend to make you some water. Maybe you need to go careening towards a cliff with a 1200-meter drop into a pit of rabid darkenfowl only to stop right at the edge. Maybe you need to hold your breath until your vigor is drained and health reaches ten. There could be a hundred ways to solve your hiccups problem and each time a different one! (Again, just like real life.) Why actually go looking for a quest when one can strike you at any time? With hiccups comes the variety that both keeps us on our toes and keeps us interested. Revolutionary? I think so.
3.) Individuality. Hiccup quests will give each person a different story to tell. We'll soon be able to sit around the lifestone exchanging our hiccup stories. No doubt someone will right then and there be struck with them, giving all a laugh and yet another story to tell. And no two stories will be different.
4.) Economy. Hiccups will undoubtedly stimulate the economy. Crafters can rejoice in the wide array of quack hiccup cures they can create. Will they actually work? Some will depending on the hiccup quest. I can hear it now: "WTB pink tu-tu and duck caller! 8 minutes on hiccup quest, plz /tell if u r a crafter." Ah, the beautiful sounds of a thriving economy.
I know, you think I'm nuts. I will let my track record speak for...no, wait. Don't read my track record. It speaks for itself and frankly that would be bad. I implore you to believe me when I describe to you what wonderful things we have in store for us. You will find out in due time if you don't believe me now. Hiccups are coming and they will untie us all. Er, unite us. That's what I meant. Unite. *ahem*
Oh, and one last thing. I told you I would, Quintus.
Theiss, signing off. *hic!*
Gurog Grunts appears every Monday here on AC2 Warcry. The opinions expressed here belong to the gruntmaster himself, Theiss. If you wish to grunt about his grunts, grunt to Theiss at editor@warcry.com. Quintus, could you please pass me a glass of water. My throat is a little dry.
