Day one: You have been Banned!
The day has come. We've flooded out of our little shelters into the world, mercilessly slaughtering anything that moves and taking their possessions so we can craft them into shoes and sharp pointy things. I am excited to be back and playing AC2 as the beta brought me much enjoyment. Needless to say, on release day I was on pins and needles waiting for the clerk at Electronics Boutique deliver to me an important summons. Here's how my day progressed:
11:00am - The Gruntphone rings. This never happens so I know it could only be the EB guy calling to help relieve him of some copies of Asheron's Call 2: Fallen Kingdoms. I don my costume and hop into the Gruntmobile as quickly as I can. Within minutes I am rocketing through the streets of my fair metropolis towards the precarious overstocking situation at the nearest mall.
11:15am - After hitting every possible red light, I park the Escort...I mean Gruntmobile... and walk into the store. I was one of the unlucky ones to get the shaft from my new arch-nemesis Amazon.com so was hoping to grab a spare copy at the same store that I had preordered from for two other blokes. In the store, I fail to see the overstocking dilemma that I have been called upon to relieve. AC2 was nowhere to be found on the shelf.
11:25am - After about a dozen other heroes relieve the poor manager at EB from his merchandise woes, I step up and proclaim my purpose. "Fear not, citizen! Asheron's Call 2: Fallen Kingdoms will bother you NO more!" I show him my ticket and the manager pulled down my two reserved copies. "I can take another off your hands....Kenneth." Needless to say he was pleased to have the infestation of AC2 games depleted by three.
11:30am - My adventure takes me to a local craft store where I must purchase the materials to wrap the games of my comrades for safe delivery via the Valiant Defenders of Truth and Packages at UPS. This does indeed stall my own enjoyment of the game but that's just how super I am.
1:45pm - Sending packages internationally is a pain in the @$$! After much use of my Grunttape dispenser and endless forms filled out, I depart from the shipping center with the hope that my two international friends will soon be joining me in-game. It hasn't sunk in yet that the world of Dereth is at my very fingertips.
2:00pm - The game is installing! My new mission: Defeat the vermin and drudges of Osteth so that we may reclaim our home.
8:00pm - Exhausted, I decide to let others carry the fight for some time. I feel accomplishment at wading through the starter quests and intend to return after preparing a rejuvenating meal.
9:00pm - Contacting Authentication Server...
9:01pm - Contacting Authentication Server...
9:03pm - Contacting Authentication Server...
9:06pm - Contacting Authentication Server...
9:15pm - Contacting Authentication Server...
9:20pm - I give up the fight with the brutal Authentication server. I am no match for it. Instead I watch Happy Gilmore. It garners a few laughs as I have never seen it before. Oh, that Happy, look at him making his move on the attractive female lead...
10:00pm - My brother calls. "Why haven't you been answering my /tells?" I am stunned by this revelation. There must be a clone of Theiss running rampant in the world of Dereth! I can only guess at the havoc he is creating.
10:10pm - My brother finally contacts and admin. Take your time, man! No hurry. I'll just sit here on the phone and pretend I don't wish to log in.
10:12pm - At least SOMEONE is speedy in their response. Admin Iceman answers the call. Hey, do you still belong to the X-Men?
10:25pm - Authentication failure: You have been banned. Hahahahahahahahahahaha....!
10:30pm - ...ahahahahahahahahahaha!
10:32pm - I submit a bug report. Take that Authentication server!
10:40pm - My ban is lifted. No, that didn't seem to work as my brother can still contact me in-game (despite my lack of a physical presence, it seems) and I can still not get past the authentication server timing out. I vow revenge someday on the Authentication server. You hear that Auth server? Revenge!
10:46pm - Iceman has disappeared. I speculate he might have melted under the warm glow of his monitor. My brother submits a second request for assistance.
10:50pm - The true mastermind behind my exile rears his head and laughs. It is +Loki, the God of Mischief and Lies! +Loki recommends I submit a bug report. Curse you +Loki for you mischievous ways...! Aw, I can't stay mad at you.
11:00pm - I surrender to the authentication beast and opt for some rest. A new day of battle awaits on day two. The Gruntmaster is not licked yet!
So went my adventure into this new realm of Dereth. In all my three years of playing AC1 I never once received even a reproachful look from an admin. This day I was banned, perhaps one of the first. It is clear my presence is not wanted in the world of Dereth....but that will not stop me! I am here to fight and defend the Neutral values that I hold so dear. So sayeth the Gruntmaster.
Gurog Grunts appears every Monday here on AC2 Warcry. The opinions expressed here belong to the gruntmaster himself, Theiss. If you wish to grunt about his grunts, grunt to Theiss at editor@warcry.com. The fan and hate mail is coming in faster than I can grow an pine tree from a pine cone. Keep it coming, everyone, I won't bite....hard.
