A Six String Emergency

I love AC2. Perhaps I love this game as much as, if not more than, the average player. Like any form of entertainment, it is easy to criticize and tear down what took so much love and energy to create, to ignore the vision for the details. None will contend AC2 is the perfect game, not even I, writer of fandom. The column this week centers precisely on this issue. I can only hold my tongue for so long before I am forced to speak my mind. There is something so horribly unbalanced that I fear, if not corrected, will bring the walls crumbling down around us all. You know of what I speak. Guitars.

Yes, to bring it up again is painful, I know. Why can we not let the guitar issue rest? Because if we let it rest, nothing will change. Something needs to be said, to be done. And soon. Guitars in AC2 are creating such an imbalance in the music dynamics that it is unbearable. They are overpowered and it is up to us, the players, to demand better. We DESERVE better. If the guitar issue isn't resolved soon, it will unravel all the hard work of everyone, the players, the developers, the devout Star Trek fans, the Brazilian Olympic soccer team, the actors who have to put on Teletubby outfits every day, everyone who has contributed to this fine game. I implore you, the players and the developers and everyone else except the Brazilian guys cause most of them aren't that great at English, to do something, do whatever you can about guitars.

Guitars are clearly the favorite instruments for people, which will make this point a difficult one to sell. I know there are some musical gimps that like playing other things and they may not see the point here. I think that only electroshock therapy or a severe stoning with stale popcorn will bring them around. Obviously guitars need to be nerfed. There, I said it.

They can play chords AND they can play melodies. How unfair is that? Lugians are even able to play them somehow with only three fingers! On top of that, guitars are the coolest sounding instruments by far. They need to be taken down a notch.

Now, I know what you are thinking. "Why not just balance out other instruments so that they are equal to guitars?" Ludicrous. No other instrument can do all the things a guitar can do it is true. But it clearly doesn't make sense to bring the other instruments up to the level of the guitar because then ALL instruments would be overpowered. I mean, who ever heard of a clarinet playing chords? Besides, it is easier to balance one instrument than to try and balance a dozen.

Let's face it, people, all the uber guitarists just need to deal with the fact that a nerf is coming their way. To support the point: Guitar is the only instrument that can solo. Every other instruments sucks solo. You know I'm right so you might as well just curl up in a ball and cry. This discussion ended yesterday.

Yet still people argue. "Just learn to play your instrument," they say. Oh please, just because you dropped ;music1-10 aliases in your hotkey slot and chain them it doesn't mean you are 'playing'. Guitar can easily do that and will still be able to solo better than even a punchan lute. I used to play punchan lute before guitars came along. Yeah, I know I'm bitter. That hasn't affected my objectivity in the least. In fact, it has made it crystal clear how much guitars deserve being hated. Punchans were the best but even then they couldn't solo worth crap. Now everyone and their pet monkeys are playing guitars. They totally need to be nerfed so we can bring back combos. Seriously, if you don't think guitars are the best solo instruments then you haven't been playing the same game I have.

Still don't believe me? Must I point out that simple observation that no combo can ever draw a crowd with a guitar. No guitar, your combo dies. This is virtually a fact that the developers almost acknowledged via their receptionist who put me on hold for 2 hours. Guess what I had to listen to the whole time? That's right. If I hadn't tripped over the phone cord and simultaneously lost their number, I might have actually talked to one of them to confirm what is plainly obvious to the rest of us.

And that is that Guitar NEEDS to be nerfed. The AC2 music scene is quickly turning into guitar/guitar/base/drum groups all playing the same /music1, driving us all batty with power chords and repetitive melodies. Good luck even finding a wind combo or an all lute combo. The ultimate conclusion is that more and more people will play guitar and less and less will play other instruments, even bass and drums. Within months it will all be guitar duets. Imagine Linvak overrun by Simon and Garfunkel and you'll begin to see why we are in desperate need of a fix. We can't stand idle while music takes a nose dive, folks. It is time to act.

What can you do? Report people abusing guitars for one. If you see a guitarist who is clearly vamping while AFK, report them. If you know about a guitarist using illegal third party plugins like Pedalz and Guitar Amp, encourage them to stop or tell an admin. Most of all, voice your displeasure at the imbalance guitars bring to the AC2 music scene. If we don't speak up now, it will all inevitably revert to MIDI elevator music looping through the chorus of Kumbaya until our sound cards melt. I happen to like my sound card.

So write Turbine, write your congressman, write your name in the snow, do whatever it takes to force other people to do our bidding until we are unhappy with something entirely different. Only then will the blatant imbalance guitars bring to our beloved game be overshadowed by a new pet peeve, rallied by a completely different raving lunatic who is unhappy about something. Yes, my minions...er, I mean, dear readers. Yes, it is time to take control.

Punchan lutes 4eva!

Gurog Grunts appears every Monday here on AC2 Warcry. The opinions expressed here belong to the gruntmaster himself, Theiss. If you wish to grunt about his grunts, grunt to Theiss at editor@warcry.com. Mondays are my medication days. I think I'm missing the blue pill...