NEWSFLASH: JAMES CAMERON IS CONSIDERING SUEING TURBINE!

NEWSFLASH: James Cameron to sue Turbine

Today, in an exclusive interview with Warcry, James Cameron disclosed his plans to sue Turbine due to a lack of royalties for the inclusion of olthoi in AC and fetich spawn in AC2.

Ara: I understand that you're seeking financial damages from Turbine and Microsoft.

JC: Yes, that's correct. I feel that they have blatantly stolen ideas from the Aliens movies without so much as one iota of acknowledgement. That can't go unpunished.

Ara: And what ideas has Turbine stolen?

JC: Well just compare the olthoi and their habitats in Asheron's Call to the aliens and their abodes in Aliens. It's very easy to see. Heck, they even live in pools of acid, and squirt acid from their wounds when they get hurt. I was going to let it slide ... until they introduced the fetich spawn in AC2. Granted, their monster stands on the tail that I used to wrap around people's necks, but the shape and articulation of the joints is almost exactly the same as for the facehuggers in our movies.

Ara: You mention olthoi in AC, and fetich spawn in AC2.. why not olthoi in AC2?

JC: Heh, flying wasps hopped up on goofballs with arms? Turbine can take all the credit they want for that one.

Ara: Maybe it's just part of the evolution cycle and the adults will look like the good ole olthoi we remember form AC2.

JC: Look our lawyers have their hands full with olthoi in AC1 and fetich spawn in AC2. It's going to be a tough case to make legally, but we have good evidence at our disposal. There was a photo published on Crossroads of Dereth, on the community board, of Sean Huxter's desk paraphernalia back during the AC2 development cycle. Buried beneath the pile of rubble of Simpson's toys, and other assorted junk and detritus on Sean Huxter's desk you can clearly see a facehugger toy from one of our movies... and you can also infer that Sean, is well, a strange bird.

Ara: He's from Newfoundland, Canada ... they're like that. I remember seeing those pictures, but word has it that it wasn't a facehugger. Jeff Anderson (a former lawyer incidentally) has had 3 expert witnesses testify at the last 2 ACPLs that swear it's a loufa, and that it's only due the angle of the picture, the way Sean's back hair caused unusual degradation of the loufa, reflections from the monitor, and the way the laser site from the sniper on the grassy knoll is reflecting off of the loufa that make it appear like a facehugger. Spinmaster flash, er uhm I mean ... Mr Quazzar/Ken Karl, was very comfortable with MS's position in this.

JC: ...we'll see how it all comes out in court I guess ... ... back hair degradation? ew

Ara: Have you really thought the consequences of this through?

JC: What do you mean? Sure, they might have to fold over this, but my artistic integrity is at stake here.

Ara: Do they really deserve this. They're just struggling game developers trying to feed their kids and provide a safe haven from the world of the ordinary to all of us! Do you really want to jeopardize the future utopian societies that they'll bring to life? What kind of monster are you?

JC: Maybe it will dissuade MS from doing future projects with them, and they'll have to produce their own MMORPGs.

Ara: Fair enough, hadn't thought of that. I guess there's a bright side to everything, but what of the consequences to you personally?

JC: Huh? If I don't go through with this Linda (my wife) will kick my ass, is that what you're getting at?

Ara: Well, wasn't there a bit of an issue with one your own aliens designers not receiving adequate credit for the work that they did on the Aliens 3 movie?

JC: *mutters a word strangely reminscent of puck under his breath* Hey I wasn't involved in Aliens 3 and 4 damnit.

Ara: And aside from that, is it really good for your career? You did the smart thing and distanced yourself from that misery you wrote by not directing it: "Terminator 3: Let's see how many more movies we can make before Arnold dies". Do you really want people to remember that you had a hand in Aliens 3 and Aliens: Ressurection or would you prefer that they were left on the shelf sitting next to Ishtar, and Waterworld?

JC: mutters something under his breath that sounds like puck. I said that I didn't have a hand in that! Really, my name was deleted from all of the writing credits I'm certain of it!

Ara: Haven't you done enough damage to Aliens with the human alien goo monsters in the sequels? Wouldn't you just rather go and make a Titanic sequel? Maybe it didn't really sink all the way down when it hit the iceberg right away - you could a whole movie about people stuck in a chamber with an air pocket for 3-4 hours as they die!

JC: You're probably right, and if I can write a T3 sequel, I can certainly write a Titanic sequel! But damnit, if they introduce a monster that screams "I'm the king of the world" I'm gonna sue their pants off!

Ara: Rumor has it they don't wear pants at work ... and Turbine would never have NPCs or monsters spout cheesy lines... really ... everything is done with deep artistic meaning, even by their interns! Take a look at the death animation for the ursuin for example ... now that's acting that brings tears to my eyes!

JC: Oh shut up...see if I ever do another interview for Warcry. *Gets up and storms off in a huff*

This has been Ara .... (hmm ... I really do need a last name) reporting for Warcry. It looks like Turbine will remain out of the courts for today (I might be suing tomorrow for carpal tunnel and mental abuse due to the perpetual radiant quest of poverty and parthenon thumping)... and that James Cameron realizes just how bad Aliens 3 and 4 were.

And that's the news...