I've got a whale of a tale to tell ya friend... about merges and patches no less

In 1492 Columbus crossed the ocean blue. In November of 2002 a similar group of adventurers manned galleons with the unlikely names of Wintersebb, Morningthaw, and Frostfell in search MMORPG utopia in a different world across a different unknown ocean.

There was one itty, bitty problem, there had never been any wind in this world...

They pushed off the docks, made it a mile or so out, and were thoroughly impressed with the galleons, but eventually they realized that these ship things needed that wind thing ... and that they weren't getting anywhere. Sailors, being sailors, decided to jump off the ships and swim back to the embrace of a harlot in a tavern ... hey if you can't find utopia, beer and women aren't that bad an alternative.

For a while, more and more were drawn to the seductive and blatant sounds coming from the taverns on the shore, then something strange happened. Telltale signs of a breeze started appearing in May 2003. The stubborn few (and the impotent .. I mean what do you expect them to do with a harlot ... really, come on people) that remained quickly tried to hoist the misen mast, only to discover that it was too much to bear. Too many of their crew were in search of other entertainments, and the skeleton crew wasn't enough to man the ship ... the impotent have never been very good at hoisting the misen mast after all.

The telltale signs slowly grew into a steady breeze, but alas .. and due to a lass or six... the ships couldn't move. The captain made a fateful decision and recruited what few men he could find to man four of the original ships of the armada. They cannibalized the other ships and then abandoned them and set off in the four remaining ships.

The sails billowed for the first time yesterday ... and a much relieved and very sore harlot ... that was unable to walk ... watched a few of her loyal patrons charge out of the doors of the tavern after those ships.

...

It's happening.

The ship's back on course and the sailors are coming back. I was trampled in East Gevoth yesterday! Being trampled in East Gevoth is rarely a pleasant experience. All too frequently it's involved me lieing on the ground under a shreth (surprised at Turbine's attention to anatomical detail). On other occasions it's involved me trying to give a few tissues to a weeping bloodstone ... but last night was entirely different.

There were these things called humans, tumeroks (or tonks as they prefer to be called) and lugians scattered liberally from the outpost to the portals to palisades. Perhaps stranger yet, they were talking! In fact, the chat window scrolled faster than a roll of toilet paper at chili fest. I'm not trying to compare the quality of the average conversation with verbal diarrhea ... really ... no, I'm being serious, I'm not making that comparison! .. I'm so misunderstood...

People weren't just spamming for groups, there were jam sessions, people mocking individuals (ok maybe that was just me mocking people), and many of the notorious personalities that had been whoring themselves with minotaurs and stroking wookies crept out of the taverns to join the ressurection. While they were goofing around and just having a grand ole time, I was stompled (no, it's not a typo, it's how I felt) upon by all manner of lugian, human and tonk. It was a stompling upon that I'll always cherish. There is no better way to show your brother that you care than to return unexpectedly, make impositions, and walk all over him ... at least that's what I tell my brother.

Why shouldn't people be coming out of the woodwook? This patch (along with the last couple) has brought welcome change. The new olthoi hives are among the most claustrophobic and uncomfortably gooey dungeons that I've ever been in. They have an organic feel, and they're deep, really deep - upside down tou tou lighthouse deep ... times 2. Granted, it's a bit disconcerting to see wings on these things and being so confused by the dungeon that I have no idea where to run. I'm hoping that the olthoi growth process involves grub -> phyntos wasp hopped up on goofballs -> walking buggified terror legion. It's also a nice fast spawn dungeon where you can collect trinkets off the olthoi to help claw your way out of the bankruptcy that you incurred from the radiant quest of financial destitution.

It's also nice to see that some of the more sadistic members of Turbine's staff have been allowed to participate in quest dungeon design. The new dungeon with the Sun Shield quest is beyond a shadow of a doubt the most cruel and deceptive dungeon ever put together. It's gots trapses, it's gots trickses, it's gots monsterses. I'd love to tell you all about it, but it's just wrong to go through that dungeon without dieing at least a few times. There's some subtle clues in there to warn you that you're about to be really stupid, but Turbine was successful in making me fall for very nearly every single trick and trap in the dungeon. Maybe the rough patch from February to May and all the rantings on the boards were necessary to generate the kind of real developer player animosity and angst necessary for good ole mean, screw the players over, dungeon design. In case you're confused, I regard this type of dungeon design as a very positive thing :p.

Now, it's not all sunshine and daisies ... except in the fields of daisies near Arwic where it is sunshine and daisies ... there's work that still must be done. Some of it is rapidly approaching on the horizon - secure storage, housing, a new crafting system, a new chat client and hero levels. I won't speak to them because I have faith that we'll see them shortly (shortly being a relative term). There's a few wee deficiencies that are more than irksome to me though.

Our hollywood city sets have got to go. We need to be able to do things with buildings like, you know, go inside of them... The allegiance halls are a good first step in that direction, and maybe housing involves converting the buildings in existing cities into residences. It will be ever such a pleasure to see who's hiding on the other side of the building facades...

My biggest beef has to do with loot. I like to hunt solo from time to time, largely because it fills the time between activities with friends. Unfortunately, there's no real reason to do it at higher levels. There's no XP (granted this will be fixed with hero content), and there's no loot incentive... all of the quality loot is being hoarded by tyrants it seems ... those bastages. Adding the ability for tougher higher level monsters to drop 1 item of storm tyrant quality loot with each kill, like say those pesky gurog warlocks, would be a boon to soloists.

Of course, continuing to increase the diversity of the loot system would be nice too, and a wee bit of added luggage to help carry our collections along with us would also be helpful. A reason to go back to town would also be nice, like maybe to sell loot for a much better rate than the ATM icon, and NPCs in the town to harass and mock ... that'd be good too.

And damnit, as long as we're on our seabound expedition we need eyepatches... Arrgh matey! (Background info: When AC first came out people asked about housing, dyes for armors, horses, and eyepatches at nearly every dev chat - since they've addressed the others we need to bring back the eyepatch debate .... argh!)

We've just recently really set off from shore, and MMORPG utopia really isn't all that distant. In fact I think I'm seeing some of the things I want on the horizon already. I'm sure that when we land everything else will start coming together. Now, it's time for the producers to start taking faith in the voyage and to start advertising our destination to the world. The development team has made some difficult decisions and done some tremendous work to get the armada moving, now it's time to get the word out and to generate the deserved hype and publicity surrounding the voyage.

Ara the Scalliwag.
Soaked Knight of the Golden Flame Rekindled